This post is for you if you're new to BDSM Couple Kinky Play Sex Toys and not quite sure where to start. In the beginning, it may seem overwhelming to enter BDSM's diverse and vast landscape. There are a lot of poor references (cough, 50 Shades of Gray.) There are also a lot of misconceptions about what a BDSM looks like. If you've ever clicked on a free mainstream porn site's representation of it, you know what I mean!

You may have questions like:

Since I'm neither dominant nor submissive, is BDSM still for me?

What are some simple ways to get started?

I hate pain, but does BDSM always include it?

How can I make my partner happy if I build a dungeon in our bedroom?

Do you want to know the truth? Kinksters practice BDSM in a variety of ways. Everything from roleplay to restraints, dirty talk to dominance, mistresses to masochism, BDSM covers it all.

BDSM is for everyone, from married people looking to spice up their sex life, to adults of all ages, to kink-curious people looking to deepen consensual power play.

You don't have to Google your proximity to the local dungeon to begin experimenting with BDSM (although you can if you wish!) If you're looking for ways to practice from the convenience of your home, we've got you covered.

Take a look at the truly tectonic landscape of BDSM! You can think of this article as your kinky fairy godmother.

BDSM 101: Getting started

BDSM stands for bondage and discipline, submission and dominance, and sadism and masochism.

The backbone of BDSM (i.e., what every practitioner's foundation should include) is not leather, spanking, or ballgags, but boundaries!

To begin with, consent refers to a set of agreed-upon roles and activities. Basically, it will keep you safe physically and emotionally. You need to make sure everyone involved knows what to expect before you decide to try a BDSM practice. It's a voluntary process.

BDSM practice also involves choosing safewords (before exploring) that everyone involved knows. This word (which could be simple and direct, like "red," or silly, like "banana pants") means to stop whatever you are doing. Another part of boundaries in BDSM is deciding what you agree and don't agree to do, and then sharing and discussing this with your partner.

How do you decide what you feel comfortable doing?

Make a yes/no/maybe list with your partner. You can also text about it before the encounter if this is a one-time hookup.

For the yes category, write down anything you already enjoy or would be enthusiastic about trying. Write down what you might be interested in trying for the maybe category. Depending on the activity, it may not be a regular menu item or may need more discussion, research, or planning. Identify no-go activities (you guessed it), and write them down. You will learn where to meet, what to try in the future, and what to avoid by conversing and comparing with your partner. This will ensure everyone is on the same page.

However, how do I choose what to do?

BDSM is liberating in that you don't have to select a specific role and stick with it for all eternity (unless you want to.) Take a look at their brief introductions to get an idea of the different roles you can choose from.

Let me introduce you to Doms. They control (consented to) activity. On the other end are the subordinates. Tops do the thing, and bottoms receive it. A switch can play any role. Sadism refers to the pleasure of inflicting pain, while masochism refers to the pleasure of receiving pain. Anyone can play any role. You can experiment with all roles if you are not sure which one appeals to you.

By experimenting, you'll be able to determine what resonates or sparks interest. By trying out different roles, you can also see what your partner might be going through when you switch roles. If you don't like all the bells and whistles, you shouldn't buy a shopping cart full of new leather gear you might never use. But if you enjoy whips and chains as much as Rihanna, go for it!

The sink in the kitchen is kinked

Are you ready to move on to the BDSM fun stuff? Kink and BDSM are easy to practice without much equipment. BDSM-for-beginners kits can be made from everyday objects lying around the house. The possibilities for making your kitchen and home kinky are endless.

Some examples:

Flogging can be done with the backside of a large wooden spoon.

Newbies can easily start playing with restraints with a scarf or tie.

Use any old bandana as a blindfold and experiment with sensory deprivation.

Ice cubes dripping down the chest of a submissive partner make for cruel and tantalizing punishment.

A word of advice: start slow! Spanking can be painful, so proceed slowly. Increase the pressure gradually as the recipient becomes used to it. There may also be an increase in dopamine (the feel-good chemical), making something like a spank less painful.

Here are some ideas for getting started

Light hair pulling (begin gently and increase as you check in with the receiver) Say exactly what you want to do to your partner or what you want them to do to you.

Ask for permission before orgasming or masturbating. Pull out that makeshift blindfold and allow your partner to feel a feather, an ice cube, or your kisses on their skin.  Roleplaying power exchanges like doctor/patient and teacher/student. Your partner's arms should be restrained with a tie or handcuffs and oral commands should be given. Create a list of rules for a submissive to follow. If a submissive violates the rules, make up a punishment (for example, orgasms with a vibrator, spankings x times, or having to please the Dom in whatever way he sees fit).



Be creative! Follow your desires and those of your partner

Ideas for aftercare

BDSM aftercare is another important aspect of ensuring safety. BDSM aftercare is time dedicated to checking in, cuddling, talking, or covering any needs that arise after a scene. Aftercare is not just for BDSM practitioners; if you've ever spooned your boo post-coitus, you've done aftercare. It is possible that BDSM can produce powerful highs similar to drugs, and aftercare is necessary to smooth the potential low following the high.

The BDSM can also bring up deep emotions or vulnerabilities for people; aftercare provides much-needed self-care to deal with these emotions.  Aftercare can include taking a shower together, talking on the couch, tending to physical needs like addressing bruises, drinking water, ordering takeout, or cuddling without words. Aftercare can look different for partners. Prior to the activity, you should check in with the participants to determine their needs and expectations.

It's time to get knuckleheaded, curious, and creative!

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